


Christmas wraiths

by shushu_yaoi_lj



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: Crack, M/M, Nosebleed, an ode to the motorway, no fly tipping, no hard shoulder, not enough tissues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-25
Updated: 2020-11-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:36:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27716216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shushu_yaoi_lj/pseuds/shushu_yaoi_lj
Summary: I can smell it before I see it.“Shit, nosebleed!” Bunce shouts from the back seat, my nostrils flaring as I look into the rear-view mirror and see her fishing a packet of tissues from her massive handbag and handing them to my boyfriend.
Relationships: Penelope Bunce/Shepard, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 24
Kudos: 71
Collections: Carry On Countdown 2020





	Christmas wraiths

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sharing_a_room_with_an_open_fire](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sharing_a_room_with_an_open_fire/gifts).



> For the Carry On Countdown prompt: Found family  
> This is one of the most ridiculous things that I've ever written, but I hope that it cheers you up, Di!  
> All the mistakes and nonsense are mine, this was too stupid and sudden to bother my betas.

I can smell it before I see it.

“Shit, nosebleed!” Bunce shouts from the back seat, my nostrils flaring as I look into the rear-view mirror and see her fishing a packet of tissues from her massive handbag and handing them to my boyfriend.

Fuck, his blood smells so amazing that I feel my gums tingling as my fangs threaten to pop any minute now.

“Shall I pull over?” I ask, looking at the left side of the motorway and wincing. No hard shoulder, just my luck.

“No, I’b fide!” Simon shouts with his hand over his nose, a tissue with blossoming red circles clutched between his fingers.

“You need to pinch your nose,” Shep says from the seat next to mine, looking relaxed and cheerful. We’re going to Hampshire for Christmas, just the four of us. Magic has come back to Pitch Manor and apparently Shep was dying to meet the wraiths.

I could have spent Christmas with Father and Daphne in Oxford, but Simon promised me kisses in front of the fireplace (and more, he said), so how could I say no?

“Can I stay in the room with the dragon?” Shep asks excitedly, “Simon said that it was cool!”

“I said creepy!” comes from the backseat. And then Penelope Bunce starts swearing and the smell of blood becomes stronger. My mouth fills with saliva.

I open the window and I see Simon’s hand chucking his used tissues outside, just as we go past a “no fly tipping” sign.

Marvellous.

“I’ve run out of tissues,” she says.

“What do you mean you’ve run out of tissues? You have the most ginormous Mary Poppins’ bag!” I complain, “I’m pulling over.”

“Wait! I have tampons!” she exclaims triumphantly.

“You’re not sticking a tampon up my boyfriend’s nose, Bunce.”

“Why don’t you **Kiss it better**?” Shep asks, turning to look at them.

“I’m not kissing his bloody nose!” Bunce shouts.

“I’b okay. I don’t want your bagic. ‘S just a dosebleed,” Simon mutters and I catch a glimpse of him eyeing the white stick uncertainly and then giving it back to Penelope, “you do it, Peddy.”

I refuse to look into the rear-view mirror again (I want to have sex with him later, thank you very much).

“So, what are the wraiths’ names?” Shep asks me excitedly, “I can’t wait to meet them!”


End file.
